AAAAH! Evil Closet of Doom!
by Patchwork Poltergeist
Summary: While at a party, Sonic, Mario, Crash Bandicoot, and Kirby get locked in a closet. The raiting may go up for language. General insanity. final chapter up! Pleeeze review!
1. The Closet Claims it's 1st Victim

Disclaimer: I own nothing pitiful earth slugs! So don't sue me or I'll roast ya.

Sonic's house. There's a huge banner outside that says " PARTY" Inside we see a bunch of video game characters hanging out, dancing' to music, etc. Sonic is talking to Kirby near to the side.

Sonic: And then, Robotnic pulls out this huge cannon and has these big bat wings and so I'm thinking' "Where the heck did he learn to fly?" 

Kirby: Why are you telling me this? I hardly _know_ you, where am I?

Sonic: -And then Knuckles shows up, like I need _his_ help. 

Kirby: ….

*Mario walks up*

Mario: Hey, where's all the food?

Kirby: What? There was a whole table of food over there.

Mario: Well it's not there now.

Sonic: *looks at the bare table* Hey, yeah. What the heck happened to all the food? There was tons of it and now it's gone!

Kirby: Maybe Botnic ate it all! 

*everyone laughs*

Cut to Robotnic's lair, or house or where ever the hell he lives

Robotnic: Blast! I'm not even **in** this story! Can't you go through fic without making fun of me?

Author: Nope! *whacks Robotnic with a fish*

Cut back to Sonic's party

Sonic: Hey Mario, why don't you get the extra food from the storage room?

Mario: It's your house, why don't you get it?

Sonic: I'm busy.

Mario: No you're not!

Sonic: .. Okay, so I'm not. But you still have to get the stuff.

Mario: WHY?!

Sonic: Because I said so, and because the author likes me best.

Mario: Oh yeah?

Author: Yeah! *throws an evil cupcake that tries to eat Mario's foot*

Mario: Holy crap! *smashes the cupcake with a hammer*

Kirby: Awwww, poor lil' cupcake.

Author: Quiet you! *sets Kirby's head on fire*

*Kirby runs around in circles screaming. Rouge comes up and dumps a bucket of water on Kirby's head. Kirby stops running and collapses on the floor panting heavily.*

Kirby: *feels the top of his head, then looks seriously pissed* AAAAAAUGH!! My hair! My beautiful hair! That asshole Author burned off my hair! I'm gonna frickin' kill you bitch! *grabs a chain mace*

Author: Oh crap, here's trouble.

*Kirby chases Author swinging a chain mace and the Author runs like hell*

Sonic: O-kay. That was .. Unusual.

Mario: *nods*

Sonic: You still have to get the snacks.

Mario: Goddamnit fine. *walks off*

*Sonic takes a seat and munches a chilidog watching the fight between the Author and Kirby*

Author: Ow! You pice of #$%*! I'l kill you! *puuls out a gient chainsaw and starts chasing Kirby with it*

Kirby: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! *takes a breath* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!!!!

Cut to Mario. He's walking down a dimly lit hallway looking for the storage room. He looks annoyed.*

Mario: *grumbling* Stupid hedgehog with his stupid.. *continues mumbling*

*Mario stops at a closed door*

Mario: Maybe it's in here *walks in and the door closed by itself behind him* Damn, it's not here either. Guess I'll check the rest of this stupid house.

*Mario turns the knob, but can't open the door*

Mario: What the-? *yanks the door but to no avail* Oh crap.

Oh no! What's happened? Mario's locked in Sonic's closet?! The world is doomed! AAAAH! Or not. So how'd ya like the 1st chapter mates? Review and maybe I'll love you forever. Maybe. All flames will be sent to planet Blorch and fed to the slaughtering rat peoples! Ha! I'll post the next chapter soon. 


	2. A Second Victim falls to the Closet and ...

Hi, it's me again! Here's the next chapter my homies (I can't believe I just said that!). Anyhoo, here's chapter 2, hope you love it. Now of you'll excuse me, there's a stapler biting my foot and I must get it off. *shakes her foot*

Mario sits in the closet sulking. 

Cut to party. Author & Kirby are still fighting

*Crash spins up to Sonic using his spin move thing( I forgot what it's called). He stops and starts bumping into stuff*

Sonic: Crash, are you drunk or something? *catches a vase that Crash made fall* You're gonna break every thing I own you moron!

Crash: I'm not drunk! I'm just kind of dizzy *stumbles and falls on the floor* Hey where's all the snacks and stuff?

Sonic: Mario went to get some from the storage room, so you have to wait a bit to stuff your fat face.

*Conker (from Conker's Bad Fur Day, duh) comes up*

Conker: Awwww, what's the matter Crash? Trying to drown your sorrows in dip 'cause no one wants you? But then again, who would? Besides your mom I mean. Ha! *he walks off*

Crash: *glares at the squirrel* Who invited that guy anyway?

Sonic: Not me, that's for sure.

Crash: Dude, it's your bash, don't you send out your own invitations?

Sonic: *sigh* Don't be stupid Crash.

Someone off screen: Too late!

Sonic: Of course I sent out my own invites . He crashed the party.

Crash: Don't you have a bouncer?

Sonic: He quit. He's in Florida now on with Tomb Raider because he said I wasn't paying him enough.

Crash: how much did you pay him?

Sonic: Nothing. He never asked.

Crash: Good point. So, how come Sega broke up? 

Sonic: It's a long story. All I know is the company's making games for XBox, Gamecube, and the PS2. 

Crash: Boy, that's rough. But don't worry, the guys at Sony are pretty cool. 

Sonic: Yeah. Say Crash. Didn't you make a game for XBox? 

Crash: Well, I.. Um, that is to say…. Hay, where's Mario with those snacks?

Sonic: I don't know and I'm going to find out. *leaves*

Crash: *starts spinning again* Wheee!

Cut to closet. 

Mario: Okay, let's see. I've tried to yank it open, saw it open, smash it down, burn it, yelling at it, and picking the lock and I'm _still_ stuck in here.

*Sonic opens the door which is dented from Mario's attacks and walks in*

Sonic: so here you are.

Mario: don't shut the-!

*Sonic closes the door*

Mario: -door. Perfect. Now both of us are stuck here.

Sonic: *tries to open the door and of course, it doesn't budge* Oh yeah, this closet only opens from the outside.

Mario: Don't you have a key or something?

Sonic: yeah, but it's on the stereo.

Mario: We could always call for help.

Sonic: Nah, they'd never hear up over the music. Besides, even if they did hear us, they'd just laugh and take my stuff.

Mario: so we're screwed then.

Sonic: Yeah, that pretty much sums it up.

Mario: That is unless Crash or somebody rescues us.

*they ponder the possibility of Crash coming to the rescue*

Sonic: We're gonna starve here aren't we? 

Cut to party

*Crash walks around aimlessly He stops where Spyro, Link, Shadow, Tails, and Conker are playing poker.*

Conker: Okay Tails, I'll se your hovercraft and raise you this bazooka.

Shadow: *raises an eyebrow* Wow, you're betting Sally? You must be pretty sure of yourself.

Spyro: Who's Sally?

Shadow: Sally's Conker's favorite weapon. He loves it more then he loves blowin' up cows.

Link: You named your bazooka?

Conker: Yeah, what's it to ya elf boy?

Link: Nothing except you can't be too smart if you christened an inanimate object of minimal importance.

Conker: What?

Shadow: He means your gun sucks.

Conker: Oh yeah? Well I'll show him a thing of three!

*Conker and Link start arguing and Link laughs*

Crash: so, who's winning?

Spyro: Tails, as usual. He always win, except that time it was a draw.

Tails: That's because you set the card on fire.

Spyro: I had a cold that day, give a dragon a break.

Shadow: Oh, come on, you were just afraid of losing. Heh, you wuss.

Spyro: Oh, shut up.

*Shadow grins. Link and Conker are still fighting, only now on top of card table ruining the game*

Spyro: Well this game's shot. Let's go watch the Mr. Hell Show.

*In the background the Author sits on Kirby and punches him in the eye*

END OF CHAPTER TWO

Please review! Please, please, please!!


	3. Idiots

Behold! Chapter three has arrived! Uh oh, looks like those damn evil cheese agents have come back. I'll see you at the end of the chapter guys! Bye! *blasts agents with a laser*

Cut to closet. Sonic is pacing and Mario's laying on the floor

Mario: *watches Sonic pace* You're going to put a hole in the floor like that you know.

Sonic: It's my closet and I can put a hole in it if I want to!

Mario: Touchy. It's you're fault we're in here anyway.

Sonic: What?!

Mario: Yeah, you heard me. If you hadn't made me go get those snacks we wouldn't be locked in here.

Sonic: Well you were the one dumb enough to walk into a closet.

Mario: You were stupid enough to come look for me.

Sonic: Yeah well…. You're a plumber!

Mario: So? You're blue!

Sonic: you're fat!

Mario: Your nose looks like a black pickle!

Sonic: Yours looks like a bloated beach ball!

Mario: Oh yeah?! Well you're eyes are huge! I mean it's a miracle you don't get stuff stuck in them!

Sonic: Your hat is stupid!

Mario: Your shoes are oval and red!

Sonic: You're Italian!

Mario: You're a hedgehog… with a.. stupid haircut!

Sonic: Yeah? Well …. you .. have.. a mustache!

Mario: *has a blank look on his face* We are _not_ locked in a closet because I have a mustache!

*The door opens and Kirby runs in. He slams the door behind him and he holds it panting. He looks really beaten up.*

Kirby: AAAGH! She's gonna kill me!!

Mari0 :KIRBY YOU DAMN PINK FLUFFBALL OF A IDIOT! NOW WE'RE **_ALL_** TRAPPED IN HERE! *Starts yelling in Italian*

Sonic: … I don't know what he said but I don't like the way he said but I don't like the way he said it even if he didn't say it to me.

Mario: *stops yelling* What?

Kirby: That Author's fricken crazy dude! She'll kill us all! The world is doomed! You're doomed! I'm doomed! That golf club over there is doomed! AAAH!

Mario: *growls and smacks Kirby upside the head* Shut up Kirby!

*Kirby sits wobbling and holding his head in his hands. His tongue sticks out the side of his mouth*

Sonic: thanks, he needed that.

Kirby: Ow. *groans* Why'd you do that? My head's killing me.

Mario: Good.

Sonic: What are you doing in here anyway?

Kirby I told you, that damn author's trying to destroy me!

Mario: Why?

Kirby: 'Cause I hit her with a chain mace and laughed.

Sonic: What were you thinking? You don't piss off authors like that. If she wanted to she could turn you into a bug or even worse put you in a slash fic!

*All shudder*

Cut to party

Author: Hey, I might be evil, but I'm not that cruel!

Cut to closet

Sonic: Why'd you hit her with a mace anyway?

Kirby: You saw what happened. That damn asshole of a bitch burned my &*%$ hair off!!

Mario: Kirby, you never _had_ any hair!

Kirby: Oh yeah…

Sonic: *rolls his eyes*

Kirby: Anyway, I'll se you guys later. *Tries to open the door and naturally it won't open* Hey, the door's locked!

Mario: *voice dripping in sarcasm* Wow, however did you figure that out?

*3 hours later* *Knock at the door. Everyone jumps up*

Voice: Hey! Is anyone in there?

Mario: Crash?

Voice: Yeah?

Kirby: We're locked in here! Crash let us out! 

Crash: How?

Sonic: Try using the door you dumbass!

Crash: Okay, okay you don't have to be a jerk about it. *opens the door*

Mario: FREEDOM!!! *jumps in the air*

Crash: How'd you get into this anyhow?

Mario: Well see, we all came in here one by one and the door closed and it can only be opened from the outside.

Crash: It closed and locked by itself? *steps into the closet*

Kirby: Yep.

Crash: Like this? *closed the door*

Kirby, Sonic, and Mario: **_CRASH!!!!!!!!!_**

Crash: What?

Sonic: you *@#$ing moron! Now we're all stuck in here!

Mario: Yeah Crash, what the hell were you thinking?!

Kirby: He doesn't think, that's the problem.

Crash: *ignoring Kirby's comment* Well I thought the idea of a self locking closet sounded cool. I wanted to see for myself.

*everyone groans and glares at Crash*

Sonic: Idiot.

Okay, the Evil Cheese Agents are gone now. Whew! What a development this is! Now all of 'em are stuck in Sonic's closet. How will they survive? How can they stand each other? Will Mario go crazy? Will Sonic's party be crashed by the cops? Why is Crash so dumb? Is Conker gay? Why is my shoe angry? How did I beat up Kirby? Are you getting annoyed by these questions? Do I care? Is the world goin' crazy? Are you crazy? Am I insane? I am not insane, _you're_ insane! You and the little green man that lives in the can opener! You're all plotting against me! It's a conspiracy A CONSPIRACY DO YOU HEAR ME?!! You'll never take me alive! *runs away* *comes back* Oh yeah, chapter 4 commin' soon. The suspense! *runs away again* AAAAAAH!! It's the Evil Tuna man! *screams and runs down the street*


	4. Freedom and Sinful Fun! (Final Chapter.....

The closet. Crash is making shadow puppets on the wall and Kirby's singing to himself. Mario's asleep and Sonic's watching all of them like they're idiots.

Kirby: *_really_ off key* CRAAAAAAWLING INNNNN MY SKIIIIN! THESE WOUNDS THEY WIIIL NOT HE-AL! something, soooomething… COMFUSING WHAT IS REEEEAL!

Sonic: Kirby-

Kirby: *continues singing*

Sonic: KIRBY! *whacks Kirby on the head*

Kirby: What?

Sonic: Shut up! I like that song too, but Linkin Park has talent, you don't!

Kirby: Oh yeah?

Sonic: Yeah!

Kirby: Oh yeah?

Sonic: Yeah!

Kirby: Oh yeah?

Sonic: Yeah!

Kirby: Oh yeah?!

Sonic: For the last time, yeah!

Crash: Hey cut it out you guys, you're upsetting Mr. Soko.

Kirby: What the hell are you talking about?

Crash: *points to a shadow puppet* Mr. Soko, my new friend. He doesn't like fighting. Don't ya Mr. Soko?

Mr. Soko: *has a really fake deep stupid voice* That' right Crash, fighting's bad. Can't we all just get along?

Kirby: No! *rushes toward Mr. Soko with his fist out DBZ style and punches the wall Mr. Soko's on* OW!!!! *winces* God, my fist!

Sonic: *laughs* You moron.

*voices are herd from the outside*

Voice 1: I'm telling you, the ham demons will all fall from the sky and make all of the flower elves their slaves! We have to stop them before they take your underpants!

Voice 2: Don't worry I'm sure Artemis Fowl will save them.

Voice 1: But that doesn't make sense.

Voice 1: Life doesn't make sense. 

Sonic: *runs to the door tripping over the sleeping Mario (who keeps on sleeping)

Hey! Is someone out there?!

Voice 1: Who wants to know?

Sonic: Kyra? That you?

Voice 2(Author): that depends, are you a cheese demon?

Sonic: Ummm, not to my knowledge. 

Kyra: Are you a ham demon?

Author: Kyra, ham demons don't live in Sonic's closet.

Kirby: Kyra? What are you doing here?

Kyra: The Author invited me. What are you doing in a closet?

Sonic: Playing with dust fairies. What do you _think _we're doing here?!

Author: Well if you're gonna be rude maybe we should just leave you here.

Crash: AAAH! He's sorry!

Kirby: Now please get us out of here. It's hot in here.

Kyra: Wait, why are you in a closet? Can't you just get out yourselves?

Sonic: Duh! That's what the whole fic's been about, haven't you even been paying attention?!

Kyra: No.

Author: Who'd be stupid enough to lock themselves in their own closet?

Sonic: I don't know, you wrote this thing.

Kyra: Ok, hang tight for a bit. We're gonna go downstairs for a sec.

Crash: when are you coming' back?

Both: When we **feel **like it! Ha!

Sonic: *walks back to the back of the closet accidentally stepping on Mario's face on the way* 

Mario: *wakes up with a foot in his face and starts yelling at sonic for stepping on his face*

Sonic: sorry dude, you shouldn't sleep in front of closets.

Mario: Grrrrr.…

Kirby: I don't think they're ever coming back you guys.

Mario: That figures. Hey Crash, bet ya 200 coins they trash Sonic's house & steal his stuff.

Crash: You're on!

Cut to party. Everyone, especially Knuckles, Shadow, Bowser (he crashed the party too), & Conker crown around Kyra & the Author

Kyra: Hey listen up everybody! Sonic. Mario, Kirby and Crash are locked in a closet upstairs and they can't get out.

Luigi: Oh no!

Spyro: What'll we do?!

Tails: We've gotta get them out of there!

Shadow: *voice dripping with sarcasm* Yes whatever will we do? Somebody please please save them. Oh no. Oh no. 

*long pause*

Conker: Let's trash his house and steal his stuff!

Everyone: YEAH!!!

*everyone runs around taking stuff, Conker's drunk (as usual)

Luigi: I got his coffee table!

Shadow: I got hair gel! *puts gel on*

Link: I got a leather jacket! 

Conker: I've got a hangover.. *barf*

Everyone: EEEEEWEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!! *continues taking things*

Cut to closet, 1 hour later

Mario: I'm starving.

Sonic: Me too.

Kirby: And me… *moans*

Mario: Let's eat the bandicoot! (this next part's just for you flamer dude!)

Crash: **WHAT?!!**

Kirby: Good idea! *swallows Crash whole*

Mario: You greedy pink ball! We were supposed to share him! Now what'll we do?

Kirby: Heh heh, oops.

Mario: *eye twitches*

Kirby: Ooooh, man, I don't fell so hot. I need to find a bathroom.

*Kirby gets up holding his stomach with one hand and with the other on the door. He takes out a key from his pocket (don't ask) and opens the door*

Mario: where the hell did that come from?!

Kirby: Oh, I had it in my pocket. Guess I forgot.

Mario: *falls anime style*

Sonic: *eyes twitches then his head grows huge anime style* YOU MEAN YOU HAD THE KEY THE ENTIRE TIME?!!!!!!!!

Kirby: *I blown away from shouting*

Mario: Come on, let's just go downstairs

*they all go downstairs only to find Sonic's house trashed and his stuff gone*

Sonic: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH! What the #$%& happened to my house?! Those assholes jacked my stuff and totaled my house! Those *combines every curse word in existence*

Mario: Ha! Told ya so. You owe me 200 coins Kirby.

Kirby: Wha? I didn't make that bet, Crash did.

Mario: Yeah and you ate him so you've gotta pay up.

Kirby: Damn. 

Mario: *looks at his new coins* Sweet.

Kirby: *weird noises in his stomach* Oh sweet crap I gotta find a bathroom! *runs away*

Sonic: *points ahead* Hey what's that in the yard?

Mario: *squints* It looks like the Author and Kyra.. And is that Knuckles? 

Sonic: Those little.. *runs off stopping dead ahead of the Kyra, knuckles, and the Author*

*Kyra has a HUGE stereo, Author has a big TV, & Knuckles has a big of jewels*

Sonic: *taps his foot on the ground* Care to explain why you're carrying my valuables away?

Author: Well um-

Kyra: You see..

Knuckles: It happened like-

Author: the thing is..

*all 3 look at each other and run away. Sonic chases 'em and drags them by the collars back to the house & up the stairs. Mario follows.*

Mario: *looks at the open closet* Hey Sonic, you thinking what I'm thinking?

Kirby: *out of the bathroom* This should be good.

Sonic: *shoves the 3 in the closet and Kirby slams the door*

Mario: Have a nice time in there you three! 

*Sonic, Mario, and Kirby shake hands*

Sonic: Let's go eat food.

Sonic, Mario, and Kirby: Yeah! Food! 

Final Author's note: *Due to matters beyond out control, GIR's Cupcake cannot type the final note because she is locked in a closet. Thank you.


End file.
